Lately it takes ages for me to be in Dreamland.
Due to me abusing my use of my dying computer.
And I believe there was a high dose of sugar in my blood.
What explains the self-cam session at 4am in the morning?
So once again doom headed my way as school is reopening.
Not to mention the last minute rush of my homework.
Oh ho ho, jolly Christmas but here I am rushing homework.
Oh well, just my luck!
Anyway found out another interesting fact from my mum.
I was supposed to be born on October 4th~
So it seems I decided to come out early and make trouble!
(that is what my mum seems to think i came out early for)

I am back from the Malaysia study trip!
But I feel like a total piece of crap right now.
First is getting sick the moment I come back.
Then after uploading pictures my comp is now screwed.
Plus was bugged down by some minor annoyance too.
It is holidays but I am not feeling it. (the mood i mean)
Oh well, sucks for me.
And maybe sucks for you if you see my sulky face.
Never mind, it will go away as soon as it came. :)
I hope.
Err, just revive my dear old computer pretty please?

Have you ever been so angry you cried?
Recently got pissed at something too minor.
Brought back some nasty memories.
Something I want to deny.
To deny that flawed person was actually me.
I don't want that part of me to surface again.
Have you ever felt like killing yourself?
Killing away the part of yourself you despise?
Because of fear.
Because you fear yourself.
You fear the monster that resides in you.
Forget it.
These turbulent emotions are well hidden.
Denied of its existence.
Misplaced it is.

Today out of the blue I feel really blue.
Saw my mum online and I still feel alright.
But everything just went out the window.
Cause she mentioned about Toowoomba.
(fyi, i live on the 11th floor..so yeah ha ha)
She met up with Edine and teacher Sonya!
She said J's 2nd child is due in June!
And Sonya is working in a boutique shop!
She saw her son Robert who has grown!
It got worse when she mentioned school.
But she could only take a picture from outside.
It got to a point where I feel desperate..
..to go back there to Toowoomba once again.
Yet something mum said made me hold back.
Some sad situation there about the teens.
Which made me think oddly of Kaela.
One fear I face if I step back into hometown..
Is that we have a whole lot of differences.
And we might have awkward silences
Still the feelings for that place is overwhelming.